Are you writing to someone who is romancing you off your feet? Does this guy seem to understand just what to say or write that gets you a step or two further down the garden road?

Perhaps more dangerous than the notorious Internet rapists and murderers are the Cyber Lotharios. Maybe you understand one. Smooth as silk. Seduction is his native language.

More dangerous, because these guys (well, maybe there are girls too, but I am more familiar with the guys) are GOOD.

These guys are the Internet equivalent of a Bill Clinton, if Bill Clinton hadnt gotten caught. They are the cyber version of handsome -- they write beautifully, understand just what you want to hear and tell you. They POUR it on, and for a thirsty woman, it is nectar from the Gods.

These fellows post on dating sites indefinitely, waiting for the unsuspecting newbie to the dating site. You might contact him, he might contact you, but like a used car salesman, he knows a pigeon when he sees one.

Then slowly, softly, but determinably, he has his way with you.

How do you tell if you have one of these guys on the wire? What if he is a really nice guy, really meaning every word he says?

Well, one thing would be if you find yourself agreeing to things that you never would if you were in your right mind. Particularly if that has to do with sex. Or maybe money.

These guys make manipulation feel like a warm bath. You just slide right in and it feels delicious.

But there is a certain vagueness, particularly about past relationships, and perhaps about future plans. These guys may reassure, but they also will leave themselves a way out.

How can you tell?

Well, one thing you may do is inquire of for a relationship history. Then pay attention to how he responds, as well as what he actually says.

Does he groan and moan about doing the job? Is he grudging in what he tells you? Or is he open and serious, understanding what you are asking and why?

Does he seem to have trouble remembering his own history, what her name was, what order the different relationships came in? Is he reluctant to divulge, or does he sound like he is fudging?

Does he seem to be moving you fast towards a romantic getaway? Maybe he makes plans for the two of you to meet, and reserves only one room. Is he heavily sexually suggestive and titillating? Does he inquire of questions like "What kind of lingerie are you wearing?"

Even though a new and legitimate relationship could be highly sexually charged, a guy who is seriously interested in you and a possible future with you will be protective and understanding of you and your feelings.

If you feel antsy, pay attention. If your hormones could be doing your thinking, put on the brakes. Better to let this dangerous Clark Gable type swim away than to be left flat and busted.

Kathryn Lord 2004 All Rights Reserved